I’m on a quest.  I don’t know how to get my kids to eat vegetables.  I need to find the answer. They aren’t in any immediate danger, except to drive me crazy telling me they won’t eat the vegetables.  And, as a human being with a somewhat basic knowledge of eating, I know that a vegetable is something that’s good to eat.  At least this is what I’ve heard. And so I have been experimenting with my kids to see if I can coerce, trick, sneak, beg, or force them to eat the veggie goodness.  I failed miserable with the crispy kale chips. But when I saw a facebook post from a high school friend, Amy Dykes Dohner, mentioning an awesome smoothie she makes that her children love (that has SPINACH in it!) I thought this is definitely worth a go! Without further ado…the recipe: (more…)

There I was, researching about stay at home dads, and I come across an episode of the Martha Stewart show that was all about the stay at home dad. For the most part, it was dads sharing their little crafty projects that they do with their kids.  There was even a silly video that showed this one dad’s daily routine.  Every part of this dad’s day, with four kids by the way, was fun filled and seemingly smooth.  Total BS.  I did, however, see a dad discuss making kale chips for his kids.  They love it, apparently.  And it’s healthy! So I decided that because it was such an easy recipe, I would experiment and see if my kids would love it as much as the show says.  Plus some of you told me how much your kids love it, so I just had to try.

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How dare you?! STOP YELLING AROUND YOUR KIDS!

They just might see what it’s like being a real adult in the real world. We need to shelter them from the realities of human conflict so that when they grow up, and someone yells around them, they can spiral into a confusion coma because they have no idea why someone doesn’t love someone else, unconditionally, all the time….no matter what….even if they screw up…..

Come on! Seriously, though. Come on! (more…)

It’s a statistical factuality, based on a large number of highly scientific case studies that indeed the science of parenting is dumb. Unfortunately for you animal rights lovers, some of those studies included rats. But please be assured, they weren’t harmed.  They were just told how awful their parenting styles were, and how everything they are doing is causing irreparable harm to the brain developments of their tiny little baby rats. Then, the educated scientists watched as the tiny little baby rats grew into mentally and emotionally damaged adolescent rats who then turned to Meth. Meth rats.  Not a good sign for the youth of humans…if we are to draw conclusions from these professional rat studies. (more…)

I could go insane. It’s quite possible that the very act of asking me the same question, repeatedly, without care or concern for the validity of the answer, has the ability to send me over the edge.  I try not to rage out when Noble asks me “When is Will coming over” for the nine hundredth time.  But that is difficult, if not impossible.  There’s usually a snapping point.  It happens after I’ve exhausted the literal answers, the smart ass answers, and the ‘I don’t care anymore’ answers.  Let me see if I can break it down for you.  I’d love to give you a glimpse into my headspace….don’t let the roominess fool you…there’s a lot going on in there! (more…)

You can’t really say to your kid, “Hey kid! If you suck on that pacifier much longer you are gonna have horse teeth!  So it’s time to chuck it!” I guess technically you can, but wow, what a horrible human.

We could have told Alistair in a nice way that it’s time to put the binky away, but where’s the transition in that?

Whenever a parent is looking for a way to transition a child without bearing the responsibility of the torturous emotional dagger to the heart, it’s a great idea to create a mythical creature to take the blame.  In this case….the Binky Fairy. (more…)

Some of you have heard, or have gone through, the Pasadena Wind Storm Catastrophe 2011!  I’m joking about the title, but it’s actually true.  We went on a drive through Pasadena, to go grocery shopping, and we counted 10 trees down just on the way to the store.  And I’m not talking about branches.  I would say pretty much every single house lost tree branches.  Our neighbor lost some brances and our walk to school is now blocked!

No school! Couldn't walk there if we wanted to! What do you mean, "go around?" If the path is blocked...NO SCHOOL!

We got lucky.  There were many people that had their homes crushed.  We only lost some fence pieces. (more…)

In my continued effort to become more and more green, I thought I would find ways to make this Thanksgiving as environmentally friendly as possible.  My intentions were good when I walked out the door to hit up Whole Foods the morning before the big day, but halfway there I realized I had forgotten my reusable bags.  You know, the ones that I set next to the front door so I won’t EVER forget them.  Those are the ones I forgot.  Did I beat myself up?  Well, yes, to be honest I did, but only for about another mile.  Then, soon after, I decided I would simply have to incorporate the paper bags I knew I would be getting from the store into my holiday set-up in an effort to reduce, reuse and recycle. (more…)

Don’t you just love the yin and yang of the holiday season?  On the one side you have your joy, your family, your cheer, your decking of the halls, your wonderment fantastic! And on the other side….you have the vomiting.  The fever, the sore throat, the cough, the congestion, the torn flesh from the sides of your nose from blowing into gritty tissues, the diarrhea, and more vomiting.

I’m not a big fan of vomiting.  When I’m sick, I go out of my way to not throw up.  I will curl up in a ball, I will moan, I will rock back and forth, pray, breathe heavily, spit, pray to a different god than the one before – just in case, whatever it takes. I do NOT want to throw up.  Kids on the other hand have no problem throwing up.  The instant the mood strikes, they will purge.  This will happen over the toilet, in their bed, on my chest, the couch in the living room, on berber carpeting, wherever they happen to be.  Unless the kid has a fever, getting him to stay laying down in one spot is next to impossible.  So we parents need to be on our toes at all times, listening for that precursor burp-gag thing, so that we can chuck a large bowl under their face.

I think the winter season is the perfect season for all the wonderful holidays, because if we had Christmas and Thanksgiving in the spring or summer, then the winter would have nothing.  It would be one of the most depressing times of year.  Snow would be linked to heavier traffic and freezing cold, instead of snowmen and Santa’s home.  The leaves falling would signify the beginning of the Vomit Season as opposed to the Holiday Season.  We really need to have those awesome family holidays during the winter to balance out all the depressing sicknesses that come up this time of year.

Right now, Noble is laying on the couch after having thrown up all morning.  We’ve got another type of yin and yang going on: there’s an uncomfortable air in this house where the empathy that Gayle and I have for our son is mixed with the selfish thought of “Not me, please not me!” This won’t stop me from rubbing his back, his hair, or washing his face after he throws up.  But it does mean that I’m living the Vida OCD-a. It’s not even 11:00am, and I’ve washed my hands 4000 times, and had two large glassfuls of hand sanitizer.   My thinking is that if I drink it, it will kill the germs inside my body.*

*Don’t do that.  Seriously.  Don’t.  JOKE ALERT!

This is what I look like when Uncle Andy takes pictures while I'm holding a sick baby. Damn paparazzi...they are relentless.

It dawned on us the other day, as Noble was running around the backyard enjoying his game of “Throw Toys Wherever The Hell I Want When I Am Done With Them” that perhaps we need to institute some policies.  It then dawned on us (yes, lots of dawning going on over here)  that Noble didn’t have any set chores.  This kid needs some chores! (more…)