Jul 18

5 Things I Wish My Kid Didn’t Say


Today Noble said something to me that sparked the idea of this post.  There are times when our kids will say things to us that feel like sharp daggers into our rib cage.  Sometimes, our sweet little angel demons will tell their truth-in-the-moment and it will harsh our mellow.  Here are 5 of those mellow harshers:

  1. “I hate you!” It doesn’t get much worse than this.  You raise them,  feed them, bathe them, keep them alive.  They don’t really have to do a dang thing except enjoy basking in the love that you shower upon their little heads.  But god forbid you require your child to, oh, let’s say go to bed on time. “I HATE YOU!” Unbelievable! It takes so much resolve to not be a “I’ll give you a reason to hate me you little…” type of parent.  It’s what I’m thinking, though.  But I end up saying, “Excuse me?!  Oh no you didn’t!” LOL.  No, that’s not me either.  That would be funny, though.  The way I handle “I hate you” is I tell him that those words are intense, and they are hurtful.” Then I give him some alternatives, like “I’m really mad at you” or “I’m frustrated.” Something simple that doesn’t make me want to reach over and Homer Simpson him. Apparently, you aren’t supposed to take the phrase “I hate you” personally. Easier said than done.
  2. “I want a new mommy and daddy!” As if he could just go to the store and pick a new “us” out. Nice try.  This seems worse than “I hate you” but it really didn’t feel that way.  This one is more laughable, because the request is so ridiculous.  He’s five, so I still use a more passive tactic, like the I hate you one.  But in a few years I might just say, “Ok.  Fine.  Go for it.  I’ll be right here.   By the way, where are you planning to find this new mommy and daddy?  I think there’s a Parent Depot next to the Lowe’s in Burbank.  You could try there. Or you could try Bed, Bath and Beyond.  Maybe new mommy and daddy falls into the ‘Beyond’ category?”
  3. “STUPID!” I say stupid all the time.  Not around Noble.  But I say it when talking about politics, carmageddon, and parking tickets.  I’m working hard to change that, though, because Noble uses it all the time now. And it really sounds like an ugly word coming out of a five year old. It’s a common word.  I get it.  He hears it a lot.  My tactic for dealing with it is to say, “Noble, I don’t like that word.  You’re a creative guy.  Pick a different word.” Stupid is just such a stupid word.  I don’t like it.
  4. “Are we there yet?”  Very common, this phrase.  It belongs on this list, just like it belongs on your list.  You know these four words drive you crazy.  They are the progressive nails on the chalkboard for me.  They start out innocent and manageable.  But as time goes on, the words begin to slowly chew away the part of my brain that controls my temper.  I usually try to just quickly give an accurate answer “20 minutes.  20 minutes.  20 minutes.  19 minutes.  19 minutes….” but inevitably it boils to the point of, “We’ll get there when we get there! Stop asking! 18 minutes!”
  5. “Damn” Yeah.  My five year old has uttered the word damn a couple of times.  And I know exactly why.  I let it slip.  The kid wouldn’t get into the tub for bath.  He was too busy dancing around naked doing the weener dance.  I asked him numerous times to get in the bath until finally I barked, “Get in the damn tub!” And so began my son’s replacement of the word darn with the newly acquired damn. Some people think it’s cute and funny to listen to kids cursing.  I’m not one of them.  I had to have a talk about how certain words, like certain beverages, are for adults only;  and how they aren’t appropriate for children to use.  It felt like I was totally BSing him.  He probably picked up on it.  Hopefully you have a way of handling this and you can share it with me.  Because I have a feeling that I haven’t heard the last of my old buddy “damn.”
Now it’s your turn.  Have your children said things to you that felt like a spear to the heart, or drove you up a wall?  I can’t believe I phrased that with a “have they ever.” Of course they have.  Would you be up for sharing is the question? And then I can either laugh at you, or feel bad for you.  I promise nothing more than a lowercase lol.  No LMAO’s or anything that might make you feel dumb for sharing.  Maybe a tender haha or something. It’s all good. 

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