Jul 18

5 Things I Wish My Kid Didn’t Say


Today Noble said something to me that sparked the idea of this post.  There are times when our kids will say things to us that feel like sharp daggers into our rib cage.  Sometimes, our sweet little angel demons will tell their truth-in-the-moment and it will harsh our mellow.  Here are 5 of those mellow harshers:

  1. “I hate you!” It doesn’t get much worse than this.  You raise them,  feed them, bathe them, keep them alive.  They don’t really have to do a dang thing except enjoy basking in the love that you shower upon their little heads.  But god forbid you require your child to, oh, let’s say go to bed on time. “I HATE YOU!” Unbelievable! It takes so much resolve to not be a “I’ll give you a reason to hate me you little…” type of parent.  It’s what I’m thinking, though.  But I end up saying, “Excuse me?!  Oh no you didn’t!” LOL.  No, that’s not me either.  That would be funny, though.  The way I handle “I hate you” is I tell him that those words are intense, and they are hurtful.” Then I give him some alternatives, like “I’m really mad at you” or “I’m frustrated.” Something simple that doesn’t make me want to reach over and Homer Simpson him. Apparently, you aren’t supposed to take the phrase “I hate you” personally. Easier said than done.
  2. “I want a new mommy and daddy!” As if he could just go to the store and pick a new “us” out. Nice try.  This seems worse than “I hate you” but it really didn’t feel that way.  This one is more laughable, because the request is so ridiculous.  He’s five, so I still use a more passive tactic, like the I hate you one.  But in a few years I might just say, “Ok.  Fine.  Go for it.  I’ll be right here.   By the way, where are you planning to find this new mommy and daddy?  I think there’s a Parent Depot next to the Lowe’s in Burbank.  You could try there. Or you could try Bed, Bath and Beyond.  Maybe new mommy and daddy falls into the ‘Beyond’ category?”
  3. “STUPID!” I say stupid all the time.  Not around Noble.  But I say it when talking about politics, carmageddon, and parking tickets.  I’m working hard to change that, though, because Noble uses it all the time now. And it really sounds like an ugly word coming out of a five year old. It’s a common word.  I get it.  He hears it a lot.  My tactic for dealing with it is to say, “Noble, I don’t like that word.  You’re a creative guy.  Pick a different word.” Stupid is just such a stupid word.  I don’t like it.
  4. “Are we there yet?”  Very common, this phrase.  It belongs on this list, just like it belongs on your list.  You know these four words drive you crazy.  They are the progressive nails on the chalkboard for me.  They start out innocent and manageable.  But as time goes on, the words begin to slowly chew away the part of my brain that controls my temper.  I usually try to just quickly give an accurate answer “20 minutes.  20 minutes.  20 minutes.  19 minutes.  19 minutes….” but inevitably it boils to the point of, “We’ll get there when we get there! Stop asking! 18 minutes!”
  5. “Damn” Yeah.  My five year old has uttered the word damn a couple of times.  And I know exactly why.  I let it slip.  The kid wouldn’t get into the tub for bath.  He was too busy dancing around naked doing the weener dance.  I asked him numerous times to get in the bath until finally I barked, “Get in the damn tub!” And so began my son’s replacement of the word darn with the newly acquired damn. Some people think it’s cute and funny to listen to kids cursing.  I’m not one of them.  I had to have a talk about how certain words, like certain beverages, are for adults only;  and how they aren’t appropriate for children to use.  It felt like I was totally BSing him.  He probably picked up on it.  Hopefully you have a way of handling this and you can share it with me.  Because I have a feeling that I haven’t heard the last of my old buddy “damn.”
Now it’s your turn.  Have your children said things to you that felt like a spear to the heart, or drove you up a wall?  I can’t believe I phrased that with a “have they ever.” Of course they have.  Would you be up for sharing is the question? And then I can either laugh at you, or feel bad for you.  I promise nothing more than a lowercase lol.  No LMAO’s or anything that might make you feel dumb for sharing.  Maybe a tender haha or something. It’s all good. 

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  • http://kaikulifestyle.blogspot.com Sirpa

    Yes! Miio told me this morning: “I don’t like you! I don’t like you AT ALL! You hear me? AT ALL!” and kept going as I was trying to stay calm and remember what I am supposed to say. I heard that since the “I hate you” really means “I haven’t figured out yet how to be mad at somebody I love and it is confusing”, a good response would be: “I love you and I get confused too when I am mad at somebody I love.” For some reason that never comes to my mind at that moment!!! LOL I think I tried it once and Miio looked at me like “WHAT are you talking about?”

  • http://thedennisfamilypage.blogspot.com Dawn Dennis

    Ohhhh…where to begin? How about: ‘You’re fired!’ or “I’m gonna fire you!” To which I have to bite my tongue to keep from saying, ‘Oh yeah? You can’t fire me cuz I QUIT!!’ Or maybe, ” ‘scuse me! I tooted!’ Really? Does she have to call it out EVERY time?

  • stayathome

    HAHA! Sirpa that is exactly what Noble would do if i said that to him. Noble would probably say, “I’m not confused. I think I was very clear! I HATE YOU!”

  • stayathome

    Dawn, I could write a weeks worth of posts about Noble and farting! There is just no filter on these kids! Sometimes Noble will say, “Dad! Dad! i have something to ask you!” I’ll say, “Yes?” and he’ll stick his butt out and fart. It’s HILARIOUS, and takes every effort for me to not start crying with laughter. They can blow air out of their butts, and it makes noise…..what a fantastic novelty for them! lol

  • http://www.pkmeco.com/familyblog/ Idaho Dad

    I get really bothered when my kids say, “I’m bored.” There’s no possible way they can be bored in a house full of books, games, computers, TV, movies, toys. Not to mention a park across the street and a backyard filled with all sorts of possibilities. No, you cannot be bored!

    I also don’t like it when my daughter says she doesn’t like her brother. She says this just to make a scene. He’s actually very nice to her, and they play well together. He’s always sharing his things without asking. But every now and then she gets into these little moods.

  • stayathome

    I’m not a fan of sibling insults either. Noble will sometimes yell at his brother and that bugs the heck out of me. Plus it only encourages the 22 month old to yell. That can be pretty frustrating.

    And that boredom thing is total nonsense. I hear you! My kid is five. Boredom should be impossible at that age.

  • http://thedennisfamilypage.blogspot.com Dawn Dennis

    Hmm…on second thought…maybe the ” ‘scuse me” isn’t so bad after all. It’s not like she goes out of her way to make herself pass gas as a form of entertainment. At least not yet. And her older brother never really got into that so I guess I shouldn’t complain too much! I guess it’s more of the lack of filter in public, no matter where we are–church, any store, a live performance–you name it, I’ve heard it there.

  • http://PreschoolUniverse.com Kristin @ Preschool Universe

    “No, cause I don’t love you.” Luckily, he decided he did love me 5 minutes later. But still!

    I don’t like cuss words from kids either, but I don’t really consider “damn” to be serious. Maybe I should rethink how other parents might feel about that!

  • stayathome

    Honestly, I don’t think “damn” is a horrible word. I use it all the time (and one time in front of my child!) Once was all it took. It just takes on an entirely new feeling when it’s uttered from the mouth of a 5 year old. It feels like my little 5 year old is talking like a grown up, and I don’t want any of that! I want him to stay my cool little 5 year old.

    Thanks so much for the comment! Glad to hear that your child instantly loves you back after shattering your heart! lol

  • http://littlelitzes@blogspot.com Hannah Baublitz

    I have too many to pick just one right now so my current favorite is when my three year old son is mad at me for (1) telling him no, about something he “really, really, really wants to do”, or (2) sending him to time out. Either of these events, which pretty much happen a few times a day, cause Harrison to tell me, sobbing, that he “just wants his daddy right now.” So far, he hasn’t been so cruel as to say that he wants me to go away but I think that’s definitely implied in his request for Daddy. It bugs me simply because I’m dying to say to him, “You know what, buddy? I’d give anything for your Daddy to come home right now and deal with your temper tantrum so that I can walk into another room and get some peace and quiet AWAY FROM YOU. And, furthermore, your Daddy doesn’t want to come home to deal with these tantrums anymore than I do.” I’m sure those words will come out one day, probably tomorrow if it goes anything like today did, but until then, I will just continue to sigh and say that Daddy will be home soon but you are stuck with me until then so let’s make the best of it :)

  • stayathome

    Thanks for the comment Hannah! I totally feel your pain! Kids are rough sometimes, aren’t they? They can be so perfect and loveable, but if you do one thing wrong, you are exiled from their love. I’ve wanted to use your line plenty of times….it can be pretty tough to refrain from “going off.”

    Good luck with tomorrow!! :)

  • http://taplerohana.blogspot.com Jen Tapler

    My 4-yr-old son, Dean, has lately taken to telling me “You’re the baddest Mommy EVER” when he’s really upset that things aren’t going his way (i.e. I didn’t let him have those cookies he requested for dinner, or I made him put his toys away and go to bed when it was time, etc). This drives me crazy!

    As for the swearing, my husband has a potty mouth and often lets the swear words slip. I did catch Dean saying “Aww, shit” once when he broke one of his toys. It was really hard to keep a straight face while explaining that it was a grown-up word (mostly because he used it PERFECTLY contextually and sounded exactly like his Dad!). But he got it. Now the minute my husband Joel slips, Dean is the first to tattle on him and quickly says in a very bossy voice “That’s a naughty word Daddy. Say you’re sorry” and waits for Joel to apologize. Of course, there was the time when Dean was about 2 years old that I made Joel (DH) sit in time out for dropping an f-bomb in front of Dean. I’m sure I totally undermined Joel’s authority, but he sat there in time out for 2 whole minutes and had to apologize to Dean and I for using the offensive word. Dean’s eyes were HUGE and he just sat there and stared at his Dad in time out! And Joel’s never dropped any more f-bombs in front of Dean!! ha!

  • stayathome

    Jen, that would kill any F-bombs in our house too! LOL

    Gayle and I both can have some potty mouths, but we’ve mastered the ability to mute our voices when a curse word comes out. So we actually don’t stop cursing….it just sounds really strange that mom and dad continue talking, but no sound comes out. It’s also strange when we are out with our adult friends and, because we are so used it to, continue the muting around them.

    Was Joel pissed at you for giving him the time-out? Did he give you an earful later, or did you guys think that it was pretty effective? It actually seems like it might be a good parenting approach, seeing as how the kids copy EVERYTHING we do, so if Dean actually SEES the consequence for saying the F word…..maybe that’s a good thing?

    Thanks so much for the story and the laugh!

  • Emily

    Yup. Before Henry turned 5 I heard:b 1. You are a really really bad mommy! 2. You are ruining my life 3. I’m moving out 4. I’m mot going to let you play with me ever again. 5. We are not friends for a whole week. Everything everyone has said as resonated with me, except the swearing. We don’t really have a problem but I get agitated when I hear him say Dang it or gosh. I think at 5 he shouldn’t have anything that requires those words, but I know the blame is all on me. When he tells me I’m a bad mommy Ry usually steps in and implements a time out just to get across the whole, “young man, you will respect your mother idea.”. I don’t know it’s so annoying. I know I’ve stopped saying “I’m sorry I’ve made you upset or wrecked your day” or whatever I’m being blamed for because I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG except parent. So there. Had to join the parade…

  • Russ Jones

    Welcome to the parade, Emily!

    Getting respect from our children is quite the difficult mission, isn’t it?! Noble has this annoying routine of, upon waking up in the morning, sitting on the couch, and then announcing, “I’m ready for my oatmeal!” As if I’m his butler/personal chef! And then, if I don’t reply, he throws out an incredibly sarcastic, “Pleeeeease!” So frustrating.

  • emily

    My 5 year old said she was going to Disney with her daddy, and our friends Rob and Ashley, but I couldn’t go. I have to stay home and work. Nice. Thanks for that one.

  • Aletta

    My ‘all time favorite’ word combo DOUCHE BAG is now a spice my son loves adding to any ol’ sentence when he feels like getting attention. Thanks Uncle Nick, I’ll make sure to return the favor someday!

  • http://www.thestayathomer.com Russ Jones

    Wow, and what a spice that is! I’m afraid that if I hear my son say douche bag, I will break into complete laughter…effectively making it the new catch phrase in the house. It’s hard not to laugh at the “choice phrases” the first time they use them. It’s so shocking. But numbers 2-10 are like nails on a chalkboard to me.

    Thanks for sharing that comment Aletta! I hope the douche baggery has eased up!