Apr 22

An Open Letter To Alistair – from Daddy

Dear Alistair,

You are now 6 months old.  Wow, time has really flown by!  I must say, the past 6 months have been an absolute joy.  You are the most precious creature in the world, and I am thankful every day that you are a part of this family.  The love that fills up my being every time you smile cannot be measured.  That being said, I do have a criticism.  If I may:

I understand that you don’t have control over your “eliminations” just yet.  I know that it is my job to change out your diapers when they are soiled.  I am completely fine with that arrangement.  I would appreciate it if you could make that job simpler. Perhaps you choose a different time to do your leg exercises? Bicycling while I am trying to wipe up poop has never gone well, for either of us.  Just something to consider.

I can also appreciate your desire to shove things in your mouth.  This is a time of exploration for you, and at this stage your strongest sense of touch is in your mouth.  Rather than my arm, which I need for changing diapers, I was thinking that you could play with some toys during the diaper change.  I hardly think it’s fair to throw your toys away, grab for my arm and try to eat it while I’m applying a new diaper.  It’s really quite difficult enough to put a diaper on someone who is bicycling – the diaper just keeps sliding out from under your back.  But forcing me to play a game of “Attach the Flaps Without Getting Caught” is really just too much.

Above all, I want you to enjoy our time together.  I want to enjoy our time together, as well.  This is why I don’t pee on you.  And it’s why I don’t want you to pee on me, either.  Diaper changing time could be a wonderful bonding experience, one where you practice compliance.   Maybe it’s not the best time to surprise me with a pee-pee practical joke, or a defiant crap blast. Remember, I’m the one who has to clean it all up.

If you could take the above concerns to heart, then I’m sure our diaper changing experience will be most pleasant.

Alistair, I love you dearly.  And I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to read this …..er……*sigh*….ah shit.

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