Why is changing a diaper so damn difficult? You don’t have to answer that. I know why. It’s because my little dude, who used to lay on the changing table with a big ol’ smile on his face, has recently decided that laying on his back is an insult. He has made it perfectly clear that the process of changing his diaper is one of the worst things that a human can do to him. His response is to squirm, kick, and do whatever it takes to roll over onto his belly.
So there I am, trying to wipe poop off of a child who is kicking his feet into the poopy diaper (my bad for not getting it completely out of the way) and trying to roll over. I am forced to hold both legs together with one hand and make desperate attempts at grabbing his attention so that he’ll stop from twisting his body around. Lately, I’ve been setting toys on his chest. This works 50% of the time at holding his attention. The other 50% of the time, the damn thing gets thrown and the rolling over starts up again.
My largest frustration with all of this squirming and rolling business is that I don’t have a very large window of opportunity to get the fresh diaper on before he lets loose with a pee stream. Something about the open air on his tenders must create a sort of valve release. So in order to beat the stream, I work like a surgeon in a life or death scenario. Everything is STAT! The biggest difference here is that my “patient” is awake and uncooperative.
Once I get is butt placed on top of the fresh diaper, I act quickly to wrap it over the front and attach the flaps. Usually I have to place his butt a few times because the squirming magically creates a sort of ejecting move that pushes the diaper out from under his butt. It’s like when you put a dollar bill in a vending machine and it sliiiiides right back out. Same exact frustration!!
You would think that the victory dance would occur once the diaper is successfully put on the kid. Not for me. I still have to go through the rigamarole of putting his pants on. You would think this is the easy part; put two legs in, slide the pants up the waste, and done! Because of his squirming and lack of cooperation, I end up putting both legs into the same pant leg. The other scenario is more out of a Chaplin movie, where I put one of his legs in, and then as I attempt to put the second leg in, the first leg pops out. Now, with the second leg in, I attempt to get the first one back in, and in doing so he forces the second one out! This goes on and on, back and forth, until I decide that he’s a baby and he doesn’t NEED to wear pants. A onesie is enough.
Oh how i miss the days when Alistair would just sit there and smile while I changed his little diaper. Maybe I just need a new technique. Anybody got any bright ideas? Besides anesthesia?