May 5

Fire Slide

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Ok, I have a beef.  A bone to pick.  A grievance to file.  A cud to chew.  A rock to throw.  A milkshake to spill.  A page to read.  A toilet to flush.  A parakeet to pickle.  You know the sayings; I’m upset about something.

We have this awesome new play structure at our house.  It has a swing, a rock wall, a fireman pole, a picnic table with bench seating, and a slide.  A fire slide.  And that’s the problem.

Our society, our world, has advanced exponentially over the years, and we’ve invented some amazing things:  teflon, plastic, proactiv.  We have put men on the moon, and rovers on Mars.  But for some reason, nobody can make a slide that, on a hot day, doesn’t burn your flesh off.

He's just trying to be Chuck Norris and hold his hands on the burning slide for as long as possible. He's winning!

I don’t know how we are gonna make it through the summer!  That slide gets no play from late morning to early evening.  Just the lightest touch, and the skin sizzles!  The same slides are at all the parks!  It just doesn’t make any sense to me.  No sense at all!  None!  Zero sense! As far as sense goes, there is a large void where park slide temperature safety is concerned.

So what’s the answer, you ask?  Fantastic question.  As per the norm for me, I have only answers that don’t work.  Noble thought that by dumping a couple of glasses of cold water down the slide, it would cool right down.  I will never forget the look of sheer horror on his face as his naked butt stuttered down the slide.  What a mix of emotions that was.  On the one hand, I felt horrible for the poor guy with his new rosy cheeks.  But on the other hand, the reaction on his face was pretty funny.  It was a mixture of fire slide pain and “how could this not be cold?!  I poured a glass of water on it!!”

So, uh, yeah, we’re still brainstorming fire slide workarounds.

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