May 11

Losing My Hair


Must be nice to be a guy with a full, thick head of hair.  Must be real nice.  Must be the greatest feeling in the world to be in your mid 30’s and able to spend an hour in front of the mirror getting it all just right. I used to spend a lot of time in front of the mirror….trying to make my hair look less thin.  Didn’t work, really.  And, as I’m seeing daily, the math formula for hair loss goes a little like this:

DailyHairLoss=DNA*(Uncontrollable Children+Lack of sleep because of children+stress related to children attempting dangerous stuff+wife)

As you can see by the formula, I am losing about 50 hairs a day…on a good day.  And it’s not that it’s necessarily falling out, it’s slowly shrinking into nothingness.  It’s almost like my hair is the first sign of my children defeating me. Here is my before picture.


You can see that the hair was somehow making one eye lazier than the other.

In balding terms, it’s not “horrible”, but it’s definitely thinning out to a noticeable degree.  And by noticeable, I mean that when Noble walks up behind me while I’m sitting down, he’ll poke the bald spot and remind me, “Dad, you don’t have any hair here. Is your hair falling out?”

So as a slowly balding man, I have a few choices:

1) Grow it and do a Donald Trump style…or The Do Of Delusion – hoping that if I can convince myself that my hair looks thick, then the world will share that conviction.  I have yet to see this style work. On anyone.  Ever.

2) I could let myself go bald, and carry on as usual with the rest of my head. It would look a little bit like this:

Hey babe. You like pina coladas? I could google how to make one.

3) I could bust out the razor, and shave it down.  It was Gayle’s idea to do this, and I am SO glad she did it!  It feels amazing.  I don’t really give a crap that I’m balding, but I do get frustrated with combing my hair, or I should say trying to comb my hair. I like to be able to just jump out of the shower, brush my teeth, throw on a shirt and head out -then realize that I forgot to put on underwear and pants, and run back inside. But it’s the no combing aspect that I love the most! I’m not ballsy enough to go full bald…..yet!

Here is me now:

Refreshing! And no more lazy eye!

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