Aug 11

My Kid Is Not Being Dramatic


No dramatics here.

It has been brought to my attention that Noble might possibly be dramatic. What?! Excuse me?! This is NOT TRUE, Kayla!

First of all, when Noble tells me that he’s hungry, he means it.  And when he tell me that his stomach is screaming for food or he’ll die, then I better get him food because if I don’t, then yes, Kayla, Noble will die.  Noble does not suffer slowly from malnutrition.  He dies instantly.  And that is why I need to be ready at all times.  Dramatic? Please!  He’s being proactive about LIFE! I can’t believe you sometimes, Kayla! Ridiculous times INFINITY!

Other things that will cause Noble to die are lack of chocolate, lack of treats in general, lack of Macaroni and Cheese for dinner, lack of peanut butter and honey sandwiches for lunch, and lack of chocolate milk.  Some kids can’t have gluten.  My kid dies instantly.  And that’s just the way it is.  He’s not being dramatic. You are so judgmental and WRONG!

And it’s not dramatic when he falls off his bike, and curb stomps the bike and screams at it, shouting, “I hate you, you stupid bike!  I hate you! I’m never going outside ever again!”  That’s justified.  The bike caused him to fall and get hurt.  What should he do in this case?  Throw the bike a party?  The best bet is to stay indoors where there aren’t any evil bikes.  It’s what I would have done!  What’s so dramatic about that? I mean, please!  Seriously! There are no dramatics here!!  What do you mean why am I shouting?!!  I’m not shouting!!!  GAH!!!

I just can’t be around you right now.  I’m so exhausted with rage!  ME?!  You are calling ME dramatic?!  YOU ARE DRAMATIC!  Oh god, somebody get me a peppermint and a diet pepsi, quick, I think I might faint!

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