Nov 6

Leashes Are Dumb

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To piggy back on yesterday’s post, I wanted to let you in on some thoughts I had while laying in bed.  It occurred to me that if I take my eyes off of Alistair, for even the briefest moment, his unparalleled courage/naivete will probably find him pushing the boundaries of human possibility.

Perhaps we decide to visit the park, and I turn around to tell Noble that he can’t pee in the bushes. I continue to attempt to explain the difference between OUR backyard and the backyard of the community.  And when I turn back to Alistiar, I see this:

How the hell did he get up into that tree?!  I would crap my pants, have a heart attack, and then race to get him down.

Or perhaps we are traveling in Asia and while I’m caught up, arguing with Gayle on the proper way to make an international calling card phone call, Alistair strays off and joins a mountain climbing expedition.  HOLY SHITBALLS!

They aren’t even paying attention to him!!

There’s a definite easy fix for this.  The human leash!  Perhaps you’ve seen it?

Heel!

Unfortunately, I can’t bring myself to join the club on that. Don’t get me wrong, the idea behind it is genius.  While you let your kid walk around,  you can enjoy the scenery, the distractions, you can talk to someone without looking down at your child once! You can let them explore their surroundings with only your loving directional tugs to let them know they need to keep up or be dragged. If you wanted to, you could probably even tie them to a bike rack while you go inside the store to get some groceries.  Imagine that!  A tantrum free shopping experience.  You’d just need to make sure there was a bowl of water and maybe some crispies out there.

This is a parental dream! The cruddy thing is that I’m just a little more old fashioned in that I think a parent needs to pay attention to their child, at all times, when out in public. That’s just me, though.  I’m also the one with the kid rock hopping through the rapids. So I guess I’m not really the expert in this field.  But I do think leashes are dumb.

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