I Am The Mightiest Ninja, and My Child Will Pay!
Remember when you were a kid and you wanted to be a ninja? No? Crap, I guess most of my readers are moms. Ok, this one might be a little tricky to get across. Remember when you were a kid and you dreamed of being a princess on a really large lilypad and your people made you cookies and necklaces? No? Crap, this will be harder than I thought. Maybe let’s just move on…
When I was a kid, I fantasized about being a ninja. In my backyard, I imagined a world where I was completely surrounded by fierce enemy ninjas. I would battle my way out of the circle, kicking the crap out of all the ninjas with the most amazing ninja moves. I used my paper throwing stars and my sword, crafted out of an old mop stick and a bmx handlebar. (This was also used as a light saber.)
I was an ass kicker. Chuck Norris would have feared me. That was my imagination. My reality? I hated rough housing and wrestling. If I did get into a fun rough housing situation, the second I was put into any kind of pain, I would frustratedly quit.
But today, my fantasies are all coming true. Thanks in large part to Noble’s desire to play fight me. We have time set aside for no holds barred battles between he and Alistiar and me. Me and Alistair and him? Alistair, himself, and myself? Forget it, you know what I’m saying. (We try to make the time frame known so that he doesn’t go and try this stuff with his friends….not sure how well that’s working.) And now, I am actually the greatest ninja in the world! I can see Noble’s moves before he makes them, and I can counter that move and knock him down. With both of them running at me, at the same time, I can easily thwart them both with supreme karate style! If Noble punches at me, I can catch it mid-air just like the great action stars do in their movies. I am the ultimate warrior! If he jumps me from behind I can easily sense it and either fly out of the way, or grab his head and throw him over top of me! And I do all of this from a sitting position in the grass like the ultimate ninja – when completely outnumbered, placing all weapons down and sitting on the ground in a “bring it on” zen-ish-esque fashion. I feel like the master I always envisioned myself to be.
It is only a matter of time before Noble and Alistair can officially kick my ass. Noble’s choke holds are already a smidge tight for my liking. So I need to take advantage of my ultimate ninja status before I become the old man who would require a steady regimen of iced limbs and Advil.