Meet My Babysitters
“Stay at Home Dad”. I stay, at home, and do dadding. But while I am a dad, I can’t always be dadding. Sometimes I need a person who we call, in my dadding industry, a babysitter. I know what you are thinking, and no, this isn’t a person who actually sits on your baby. This is someone who watches your child while you are away. But what about someone who watches your baby while you are still at home? Let me introduce you to these fine young babysitters who are available to me instantly, anytime I need them.
This is Mattie. I like her best of all. She engages my baby, plays with him, and can sing and entertain. She’s my personal favorite, but sometimes she gets a little too crazy and overstimulates. That could be due to the fact that I usually see how much fun they are having and I come over to play too. She’s the fave!
This is Paul Sate, he vibrates and gives my baby a nice mellow time. He doesn’t always work, so I hit him. I’m not proud of that, but, my kid comes first. And if you fall asleep on the job, I’m gonna smack you! Most of the time that smack would get him moving, a little wake up call if you will, but I think I’ve hit him too many times. He doesn’t vibrate anymore. I blame myself. I should have been nicer to him. Alistair still enjoys Paul’s ‘lounge factor’, and he does sing, but his voice is kind of annoying. Not quite American Idol material. I use Paul when I have to go to the bathroom, or, to kick start a nap….Paul looks fun, but he’s boring, can you tell?
Roxanne Sings is really fun. But she’s overweight and difficult to fit through doors without banging the sides. I’m not saying overweight is bad. God bless her, she’s big boned. I think it’s mostly muscle from rocking so much. She can really get rocking, and she sings quite lovely. She can even make bird noises and nighttime noises. She’s a real entertainer. Alistair likes hanging out with her, and so when I’m cooking or cleaning I let Roxanne take over.
Now Mattie, Paul, and Roxanne are great, but what about when your kid gets older and outgrows these fine babysitters? Well, that’s when I call in Elsie! Elsie D. is a pro! She DEMANDS attention, and when she’s in charge, those kids dare not do anything but listen closely and focus! I don’t know how she does it, but she entertains, she keeps the kids quiet, and she stimulates all at the same time! I try to use her sparingly, because according to our pediatrician Elsie isn’t supposed to babysit. Maybe she’s been in some kind of trouble in her past or something. I don’t know. I just like to give people the benefit of the doubt, and so far Elsie has been nothing but brainwashy…I mean good. She has taught Noble some great sayings, like “To infinity, and Dion!” (not sure who Dion is, but to infinity with him!). Also Elsie taught Noble that cats and mice don’t get along, thanks to her stories of a Tom Cat and a mouse named Jerry. And without Elsie, Noble would have never learned how to shoot spider webs out of his hand (A crucial skill if you are to beat the bad guys). So a big thank you to Elsie D!