Feb 1

Raising a Two Year Old

I can’t tell you how many times I have been stopped on the street and asked, “Hey Russ!  What’s it like raising a two year old?” Actually I can tell you.  It’s never happened.  But I think that’s just because I put off an unapproachable vibe when I’m on the street.  I wear a shirt that says, “If you are close enough to read this, then I’m probably about to mace you.” So maybe it’s me.  But I wish you’d approach me more often. I like you.  And I like your question.

So what IS it like raising a two year old?  This is a really difficult question to answer.  So I thought I would give you a day in the life kind of pictorial thingy.  So, without further ado, here’s my interpretation of a day in the life with a two year old:

Good Morning. What a lovely way to wake up at 5:30am. Thank you, little rooster from hell!

Hey there little smiley fun guy!

Wait, what just happened?!

Oh, got it. Didn't realize you wanted to wear shades. I should have known better. My bad. I'll be a MINDREADER NEXT TIME!

You're funny!

You're cute.

You're a faker.

You're a slob!

You're crying again.

and again...

and again...come on, dude, I'm losing empathy!

Oh great, tears! Here comes the guilt! Dang it! I'm a horrible father!

Are we happy now? I'm so scared I'm going to ruin it...

Head stuck in the photo wall....yep, totally ruined!

But wait! A father and son bonding moment! Cherishing...Cherishing...

...GONE! Welcome back tears, we were expecting you.

Oh my god is this really happening?! Get the camera! I can now lie to people and tell them my children cuddle all the time and read books! GO GO GO! I have 10 seconds before he book-slaps Noble in the face!

Ok, finally! It's bedtime...why are you smiling? You must not have heard me, I said, "It's BED TIME."

That's more like it. Now if you could just keep this up for the next 30 minutes, that would be great. You will?! Wonderful!

No noise. No crying. Ahhh. Perfect little angel....until 5:30am.

I hope this gives you an idea as to a typical day with a two year old.  It’s a lot of ups and downs, lefts and rights.  You’ll think they are happy, and then you suddenly realize that you totally screwed them over by touching, or not touching, standing too close or too far, or looking at something incorrectly.  You cannot win.  It is impossible to win.  The game is rigged so that no matter what you do, you will lose.  This is the way of the two year old.

Are you dealing with a two year old?  What are some of your tantrum horror stories?

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  • Jill Cobb Henderso

    My little guy will be 2 next week and my big girl is 3.5 years. I have been in 2 year old hell forever. I do think 3 year olds are worse than 2 year olds. They are able to have the same tantrums as a 2 year old, only now they are experienced.

    Last nights melt down, well the main melt down, was because her 8,000 blankets and 25,000 babies were not exactly perfect. And God forbid you try to poop by yourself. Both kids will be at the bathroom door sobbing because they can’t get in.

    Maybe I should show them some love and make them some delicious kale chips?

  • http://www.thestayathomer.com Russ Jones

    LMAO – Jill I totally agree with you! At least, I agree as far as Noble goes. He was so much worse at 3. Alistair I will just have to wait and see.

    Yeah, what is it about them needing to have everything perfectly perfecter than perfect. One false move and your toast!
    I say go for the kale chips! :-) (love/revenge….depends on how long you bake them)

  • Jill Cobb Henderson

    Did you try making them again? Did they turn out?

  • http://www.thestayathomer.com Russ Jones

    Yes I did, and no they didn’t. Somehow I still managed to burn them. I’ll try again next time I’m out at a farmers market or something and there’s kale to be purchased. But I’m ready to move on to the next experimental recipe. You got anything?

  • Jill Cobb Henderson

    My kids are weird and love veggies. I mince up broccoli, cook it and add it to various foods. They eat it readily. Diced red / orange / yellow peppers are also super easy to add to foods.

    There was a recent study done about fruits versus veggies. Veggies do win but fruit isn’t far behind.

    I would try the smoothie again but up the fruit and deeeeeecrease the spinach until they are used to drinking them.

  • http://beingmomnow.blogspot.com/ Mommy C

    OMG I love it!!! My sister posted a link to this in response to my post today about basically the same exact thing, only I am not funny and you are hilarious. Every single thing you have here is SO TRUE! It is exhausting, tedious, heart warming, frustrating, rewarding, and back to exhausting in an ongoing loop that only pauses when they are passed out asleep.

    You can read my post here: http://beingmomnow.blogspot.com/2012/02/needing-parenting-reboot.html

  • http://www.thestayathomer.com Russ Jones

    EXACTLY! By the way, I really enjoyed your blog post. The first part about choices is right on the money. Every dang thing has to come with a choice!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=625987273 Becky Vrieling Lewis

    LMAO!! This is so FUNNY and TRUE! Our kids are about the same age. Sydney is 3 1/2 and Payton just turned 2 in December. I was reading this post today in my car parked outside of Sydney’s preschool letting Payton sleep. Today was not a good morning for Payton so being an hour early to pick up Sydney is just fine with me. The girl needs her sleep and I needed the break!
    So here sit in my car surfing the net, checking my mail, and FB page. I know lame but it beats a crabby child that I will not be able to please.
    I do have to tell you there were a few times that I almost woke her up laughing out loud reading your stories!! I am so glad that there are other parents out there that are going through the same challenges and who have kids that are not perfect.

    I’m not great at writing stories like you but wanted to share with you how my morning went today.
    School days are usually my running around days trying to get “everything” done days between 8:45-11:30. Well today Payton was not having it. First stop was Target as nothing is open at 8:45am. We are limited to what stores we go to on school days. Our options are Target, Kohl’s, Walmart, and Fred Meyers. Everything else opens around 10am. Today Payton wanted to bring sisters blanket and bear, and anything else she could find in the car with her into the store.. REALLY!??! Like I don’t have enough crap to carry already! So it takes about 5 minutes of talking her into bringing just one toy and a treat from the snack bag… all SMILES now…..thank Goodness!
    So we walk hand in hand to Target and I have my list ready in hand to get done and all the sudden miss independent decides that she wants to walk and not get in the cart…. Seriously! I’m sure you know how much you can get done with a two year old walking child…. NOTHING! So the mean mom that I am (that is determined to get the list completed) gives Payton two options. Option one: sit in the seat in the cart or option two: sit in the back of the cart. After about two minutes of throwing herself down and screaming she decided on the back of the cart would be okay. As I put her in the back of the cart I look around and I have people starring at me like I’m this horrible mom…… whatever!!
    The rest of the Target trip was manageable. We had a few more screaming tanturms because she wanted something off the shelf, or didn’t want something in the cart, or didn’t want to give an item to the cashier to scan because it was hers and not his. Her way of letting the cashier know it was her’s was pointing at him and screaming at the top of her lungs “NOOOOO…. MINE…..STOP!!!!” I think she got her point across! Funny and hard not to laugh but at the same time can’t she just use her manners?!?!?
    So mark Target off my list and on to the next stop…. NOT! I didn’t even get out of the parking lot and she was out cold….. WOW! So now what??? Wake her up at the next stop? I think not! So off to the school I go an hour early to sit and wait until 11:30. I guess the list has to wait until the next preschool day. So keep the funny stories coming as I know I will be sitting out here in my car again soon.

  • http://www.thestayathomer.com Russ Jones

    Glad I could give you some entertainment while you were a slave to your car! I can TOTALLY relate!
    I truly loathe the car nap. In this house, it means that naptime is destroyed, productivity is shot, and crankiness will almost certainly follow the wake up. Not cool!
    I had a Target experience myself that resulted in tantrum insanity: http://thestayathomer.com/the-choices-meltdown/
    Thanks so much for sharing your story, Becky! Keep sharing, I love it!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=625987273 Becky Vrieling Lewis

    I read your link.. that is so funny! Shopping is so much fun with kids.

  • http://www.thestayathomer.com Russ Jones

    I know, right?! Shopping with kids is THE best! (it’s Say The Opposite Of What You Feel Day, right?)

  • http://drdinar.com/blog/ Jude Midley

    I just realized that we need to have camera always to take photos for memories.I can tell by looking to your articles and photos.

    Jude Midley

  • http://www.thestayathomer.com Russ Jones

    Oh yes, the camera is our friend!

    Russ Jones
    The Stay At Homer

  • Jollyclan

    I laughed so hard! My daughter who has a 2 year old daughter put this on FB so I could read it and look at your pictures. It is so REAL and very TRUE! I had a 2 year old foster son who at 2 years old would climb in the fireplace (over and over and eat the ash), chew on my plants, bath soap, and batteries till the gunk came thru…thank GOD they are not toxic, nailed my clothes to the deck, passed out regularly when he got mad which was very embarrasing in the grocery store and the park, and bounced every where. We called him “Tigger.” (and JAWS because of eating everything including his shirts.) I caught him putting a SLUG in his mouth…..

  • Erika martin

    For some reason, this is just like a day of raising an 11 year old girl!

  • Darlene

    Becky, this is Darlene with a story for you involving our little Holland. Melody is in Target with the same situation and eventually Holland puts her hands up and says very loudly, “No hit Holland.” Everyone looks at her and wonders if her mommy does hit her…not.

  • Thegoodthebadandthesaggy

    I feel like this could be my husband’s photo-journal of Raising a 32 year old. As in… a day in the life of me. Sad but true. Can’t wait till my daughter is 2 and he has to deal with both of us. Love your blog by the way…