Feb 1

Raising a Two Year Old

I can’t tell you how many times I have been stopped on the street and asked, “Hey Russ!  What’s it like raising a two year old?” Actually I can tell you.  It’s never happened.  But I think that’s just because I put off an unapproachable vibe when I’m on the street.  I wear a shirt that says, “If you are close enough to read this, then I’m probably about to mace you.” So maybe it’s me.  But I wish you’d approach me more often. I like you.  And I like your question.

So what IS it like raising a two year old?  This is a really difficult question to answer.  So I thought I would give you a day in the life kind of pictorial thingy.  So, without further ado, here’s my interpretation of a day in the life with a two year old:

Good Morning. What a lovely way to wake up at 5:30am. Thank you, little rooster from hell!

Hey there little smiley fun guy!

Wait, what just happened?!

Oh, got it. Didn't realize you wanted to wear shades. I should have known better. My bad. I'll be a MINDREADER NEXT TIME!

You're funny!

You're cute.

You're a faker.

You're a slob!

You're crying again.

and again...

and again...come on, dude, I'm losing empathy!

Oh great, tears! Here comes the guilt! Dang it! I'm a horrible father!

Are we happy now? I'm so scared I'm going to ruin it...

Head stuck in the photo wall....yep, totally ruined!

But wait! A father and son bonding moment! Cherishing...Cherishing...

...GONE! Welcome back tears, we were expecting you.

Oh my god is this really happening?! Get the camera! I can now lie to people and tell them my children cuddle all the time and read books! GO GO GO! I have 10 seconds before he book-slaps Noble in the face!

Ok, finally! It's bedtime...why are you smiling? You must not have heard me, I said, "It's BED TIME."

That's more like it. Now if you could just keep this up for the next 30 minutes, that would be great. You will?! Wonderful!

No noise. No crying. Ahhh. Perfect little angel....until 5:30am.

I hope this gives you an idea as to a typical day with a two year old.  It’s a lot of ups and downs, lefts and rights.  You’ll think they are happy, and then you suddenly realize that you totally screwed them over by touching, or not touching, standing too close or too far, or looking at something incorrectly.  You cannot win.  It is impossible to win.  The game is rigged so that no matter what you do, you will lose.  This is the way of the two year old.

Are you dealing with a two year old?  What are some of your tantrum horror stories?

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