May 25

Renaissance Faire

I’d never been to a Renaissance Faire before.  This was fun!  We were offered some free tickets to The Renaissance Pleasure Faire from a mommy friend, and couldn’t pass it up.  It was a great way for Noble to hang out with his buddy Alex and for us to see some crazy people dressed up in medieval garb.  And let me tell you….the garb was the breast part, I mean BEST part.  Seriously, the majority of the Renaissance women had their boobs so smooshed in their “authentic” dresses that they seemed like they were gonna pop!  Interesting style back in the days of ye old booby squishers.

It was certainly a fun time.  It was like going to a contemporary fair, but everything had to abide by medieval standards….to the best of their ability, of course. We were still able to buy a Coke, and water bottled a magical container known as plastic. But apparently the rules were strictly enforced.  While walking past an amazing medieval musical talent, tapping his strings with his wooden sticks, an authentically dressed lady asked the man, “Awesome! Can you play Stairway to Heaven?”

Her friends ‘ooh’ed.  “He can?!  Can you play it for us?”

The man nodded that he knew how to play it, but did not vary from his current performance.  Knowingly, the first gal spoke up again, “He can play it, but he has to wait til after hours.”  Apparently there was no Stairway to Heaven during the Renaissance.

It was entertaining seeing these authentic looking people break character to discuss real life.  I overheard a group of big, scary, very intimidating looking vikings talking amongst themselves.  In high pitched voices that didn’t match their bodies, they all inquired with each other about all things Microsoft.  It’s not everyday you can witness a viking discussing peripherals.

I don’t know what made us think that getting the kids swords was a good idea.  Alex and Noble are two great kids, but give them a weapon, and you can kiss your ass goodbye.  We bought them both these foam swords, and for the majority of the walk back to the car (about 5 miles, it seemed) I was beaten, stabbed, sliced, chopped, Hi-yah’ed, you name it, if it was a sword move, I got it.  Kayla (Alex’s mom) also got her share of a beating, as well as a ferocious head butting (literally, they repeatedly smashed their heads on her butt while she tried to push the stroller.)

I doubt that I’ll ever return to the Renaissance Faire.  Perhaps without small children it would have been easier, because I really do love that time period.  The swords alone!!  But it definitely feels like there’s two faire’s going on. There’s a large community of dressed up folk, many playing the part with the kind of conviction that usually requires delusion therapy, and then there’s the tourists coming to watch. When the faire closes, I can only imagine the kind of partying that goes on:  goblets of ale, large turkey legs, and those boobs probably burst forth for ye old air.  That, and Sherman plays Stairway to Heaven.

The good wench Kayla enjoying her Renaissance feast

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