May 2

Five Star Resort For Noble

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Noble has been away for the past week.  He hasn’t been in school, and people are wondering where he’s been.  Well, let the rumors rest, he’s been in a very swanky, very expensive resort.  Which one?  Well, what else…the Four Symptoms Resort and Spa!

Completely tailored to your child, this place is guaranteed to bring your child from happy and energetic (UGH!), to sickly and unmotivated.

Your child begins his vacation by choosing from a host of symptoms.  Noble, after much debating, chose prolonged fever, loss of appetite, lethargy, and occasional vomiting.  The vomiting was a tough choice for him.  It was either that or explosive diarrhea.  And he had explosive diarrhea, or “The Eds” during his last stay.  So he wanted to mix it up a bit.

The stay at the Four Symptoms has wonderful amenities.  Your child literally doesn’t have to do anything during his stay.  There are two semi-trained employees, called “Parents” who attend to his every need.  And the motto at the Four Symptoms: the louder you whine, the faster we’ll move.  So it’s really encouraged to hold nothing back.

From morning til night the TV is turned on to whatever your child wants to watch.  The point is to get their retinas to burn into their eyelids.  Imagine having a staring contest with Superman, and he cheats with his fire beam eye situation.  That’s the level of burn they are looking to achieve.  And your child will LOVE IT!

No strep throat! But that wasn't on his menu anyway.

Here we see Noble during some down time from his fever symptom.  Hospital staff is always happy to treat your child.  Don’t worry though, as soon as he came back to the resort, his fever returned.  That smile lasted about 30 minutes.  Then back to:

If I were to rate Nobles stay here, I would have to say 4.5 stars.  They really go out of their way to make it feel like home.  And Noble has been enjoying the ice cream, belly rubs, and tasty medicines.  There is also a lounge and a yard out back where he was able to get some fresh air between fever spikes.

Noble had a few friends who stayed here prior to him, and it seems as though they all picked the same symptoms.  And last we heard, there were many kids checking in on Friday.  I really hope Noble is ready to come home.  The stay has been a bit too long for my liking, and there’s another resort that I’m sure he’d love, and we’re planning on going next.  It’s the Chateau Jones in Pasadena.  Apparently it’s just for kids, and they have this beautiful home setting that doubles as a play gym.  Things like chairs, and sofas, and tables are all used in whatever creative way your kid desires.  The motto there is:   If it can fit in your hand, you can throw it. And every kid, upon check-in, gets a special t-shirt that reads Indoors=Outdoors=Indoors.

 

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