May 31

How To Garbage A Piece Of Your Child’s Artwork


Don't be mad at me! This is 6 in a series of 10 duplicates.

It has to be done.  At some point, you have to realize that not everything your kid does is a keeper.  We have so much of Noble’s art around the house; piled in places, filed in folders. We’ve got scribbles and doodles.  Splotches, angrily stabbed out ink blobs, finger paintings, and drawings.  We’ve got letters upon letters of letters written with letters.  And they are all awesome.  All of them were created by a human being that I created….co-created….ok, fine, oversaw after implantation. Jeez, get off my back about it already.

I have attempted to store all of his work.  But the time came when I had to admit to myself that not everything needs to be saved.  If I saved everything for Noble and Alistair, then by the time they become adults, there will be a storage unit for both of them!  It’s just not practical.  And I don’t have storage facility money.

In the event that  you are reaching this point, here’s how you should go about throwing away a piece of your child’s artwork:

  1. Make sure they aren’t watching. Unfortunately, I learned this one the hard way.  There’s no better way to tell your child they are worthless, than by allowing them to watch you garbage something they made.  Especially if they made it for you.  Wait until after bedtime before you start Operation: Junk It.
  2. Start with the duplicates. If your kid is like mine, then they get on these kicks where they make the same thing over and over again.  I try to save the best one.  That way I can use it to brag to my friends about how artistic my son is.  They, in turn, will marvel at the splendor that is my son’s creativity, and I will agree with their marveling.
  3. Prepare yourself for the dagger in your gut as you place your child’s gift of art into The Bin of No Return.  You will feel guilt the first time, as you should.  You are sending a rejected creation off to die a miserable and unappreciated death.  You should feel horrible.  But take refuge in the fact that it gets easier with time.  Everybody’s first is the hardest.  It does get easier.  Nowadays I will swoop an entire table full of drawn on papers into a single paper bag.  One swoop!  A single swoop eradication of creativity!  And I feet no guilt.  I only feel a sense of immediate victory that the table is now closer to being set for dinner.  So know that there is hope.
  4. You are ready.  Just throw it in the garbage already! Suck it up!  Throw it away! Pat yourself on the back if you put it in recycling.  At least your act of parental treason is helping the earth.


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