Jun 2

We're Getting a Dog First

Let me get this straight.  You want to get a dog to prepare you for the responsibility of having a child?   Gayle and I actually pondered this as well, before we put the Noble bun in the oven.  And then, about 15 seconds later, we decided it was a bad idea.  I believe the transcript of my actual comment was something to the effect of, “Fuck that!  More responsibility before we have even more responsibility? This makes Nooooooo sense!”  And that was the end of that.

Here’s the deal: a dog and a baby are two entirely different things.  If you want to know what responsibility is like, then you don’t need a dog….get a job, and don’t suck at it.  There, you’ve learned responsibility.  You’ve managed to take care of something (your employment) by nurturing it and taking care of it (not sucking).

You cannot understand the responsibility of having a child until you have a child, so you might as well just have the child.  Because…

Unlike dogs, you don’t choose whether or not to pick up a baby’s crap when they go doodie.  You wipe it off their back, leg folds, the changing table, your arm, and then you soak their crap covered clothes.

According to the Dog Whisperer, poking, and putting an electric collar on a dog will help train him to understand boundaries and expecatations.  Babies can’t be poked, electrocuted, or even reasoned with.  They get to do whatever they want, and you have to sit there with a big open mouth smile and take it.  Babies are just babies, and they don’t know any better.

Babies cry.  Dogs don’t.  Sure, they might bark and whine if you keep them outside, but that’s nothing that a little electrocution can’t take care of.  Once again, you can’t electrocute a crying baby.

You can leave a dog in a car, in your house all day while you work, tied to a post while you get your nails “did”, and in your backyard all night long while you sleep soundly.  Do that to a baby and the world will shoot you dead.  Rightly so.

To summarize – A dog is a dog.  A baby is a baby.  A baby is not a dog, therefore getting a dog will in no way prepare you for having a baby.  Unless your idea of raising a child is putting a milk bowl on the kitchen floor and just plopping the infant down to lap it up, you are in for quite the surprise.

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