Mar 28

What Happened To My Cave?

As you may or may not know, based on your particular set of reproductive organs, men need to have time to themselves, a cave to retreat to and recharge.  This is referred to by many relationship gurus, but was coined by John Gray of “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” fame.  It is much harder to get this time as a stay at home dad.  And it’s why I’m up at 5 am writing this post.

I get up extra early because I want to have time to myself.  Just one hour where I don’t have to make a Jim Carrey face at the baby, or change a diaper, hold a baby, or feed Noble, or let Noble jump on my back, or chaperone a poop, or help Gayle get ready for work, or help Gayle wind down after work, or clean the house, or get a house project done because while we live in a kick ass Craftsman home that is 100 years old – there’s always something, or  get a big cleaning project done, or….um, I lost my train of thought, why am I rambling on and on?  Let me read back a second…..Ohhhhhhh, yeah, I NEED ME TIME!

Personally, I’ve tried taking “me time” during Alistair’s nap, while Noble is at school, but then house stuff doesn’t get done. Alistair only sleeps for 30-40 minutes at a clip so that is some precious time to get “stuff” completed.  It makes me sick in my stomach when I talk to moms who have babies that nap for 3 hours during the day.  Oh my Lord what I could do with 3 hours:  I could get the house stuff done, have a lunch that doesn’t involve a baby bjorn and being mobile, I could even get my much needed personal time to sit in quietude and completely shut my brain off!

We stay at home dads need cave time so much more than working dads because we become fried from being forced to do something, as a stay at homer, that isn’t in our genetic makeup:  multitasking.  For men, this isn’t natural, it’s witchcraft.  It’s a type of black magic that isn’t human.  You are either doing a thing, or you are doing another thing.  Never two things at once! This alchemy of mixing things together to form productivity creates electric surges in the man that lead to anxiety, stress, and a feeling akin to a fish as he accidentally flies out of the water and lands on a shore covered with seagulls.

Men need a cave. I need a cave.  I’ve been trying to figure out when to get my cave time, and it’s finally been achieved!  it’s at 5am!  I set the alarm, wake up before everybody else, and enjoy a quiet house; a house that belongs only to me;  a house filled with people I love; who are still very much cute, precious, adorable; who have yet to open their mouths and send my inner peace flopping for air on the seagull infested shores of Multitask Island.

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